She's so strange

2003-03-02T13:46:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Slide," Missy Elliot

As if anyone checks this, but I'm sorry for not updating. Some people I know found my blog who shouldn't have. It's my blog and I can say what I want but I've been stricken with paranoia because I'm afraid I'll hurt someone by what I write here but at the same time I want to be honest. I don't know if I'll take a sabbatical from blogging.

2003-01-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

Greetings from San Diego! Happy New Year!

New Year's was, um, different...I'm surprised at the level in which a lot of things have changed. The family New Year's parties as of late have whittled down considerably. The parties from my childhood were loud and boisterous. It seemed that there were a billion cousins running around and drunken aunts and uncles karaoking to the Bee Gees and other easy listening classics. The adults used to force the kids to perform in a makeshift family talent show. One year, my sister and I taped cheap ribbon to chopsticks to make a DIY Ribbon Dancer (I adamantly refused to pay for a real one). I never noticed how small these parties were becoming. So many people have moved (many have gone back to the Philippines or transferred to the east coast). People have gotten older (there was an alarming increase in the amount of gray hair). Just an interesting observation.

I remember last New Year when I felt this rising in my stomach. Things are really going to change. I was going to leave high school which was had already become stale. I had senioritis since freshman year. College is super. So much freedom. And newness. Maybe I had too high expectations. College seemed like the perfect escape. Now I feel as if I've reached a strange crossroads with my old friends. I guess that was to be expected, wasn't it? I like the fact that I can sleep in. I still don't understand how I woke up at 6 AM for 12 years. The people in college are refreshingly more diverse and open-minded. I like the people in my dorm because they're quirky and nice at the same time. Surprisingly, I ate very little ramen or pizza. I maintained the same weight since starting college which I am proud about. Sharing a bathroom with 24 people isn't too bad. It sucks when you become utterly infatuated with someone who lives a few doors down and are forced to see them every day (I haven't conquered my awkwardness as of yet). I turned 18 which was anti-climactic. I should register to vote, probably as a Democrat. As tempting as it is to skip class since they don't take roll, I attended 85-90% of my classes. I was fortunate to be paired up randomly to a cool and considerate roommate. After one failed attempt, I learned to cook rice. After putting it off for so long, I finally got my driver's license (on the first try, yay me). After having a weird dream of an estranged friend apologizing to me, I ran into her at a party and had the first real conversation with her since our falling out four years ago. I learned that I have a very, very, very low alcohol tolerance.

New Year's resolution (pardon the corniness): To live more passionately, more singing and dancing, less anger.

Screw any attempts at decreasing procrastination because I always break this resolution one month into the year.

That's my year in review. What a good year this has been.

2002-12-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Which Edward Gorey Book Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-12-17T22:45:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head," BJ Thomas

I don't think I did too well on my biology final. I'm borderline A/B and the final really mattered. I'm not terribly bummed becaused I studied a grip and did the best I could.

Other than a less than stellar final, I had a fabulous day. It was cloudy and drizzly. I had to see another professor about a possible research lab opening. His office was on the 10th floor which was comprised of mostly windows. The rain was letting up and I had a perfect view of possibly the biggest rainbow I've ever seen. Cheesy, I know. I'm not going to write a poem about magical rainbows and finding myself or something. It was just a really nice surprise because I was grouchy about waking up early to see the professor. I had a bagel and coffee breakfast with Andrea after the meeting. I haven't had a real breakfast in a bit. I usually sleep in and have brunch a little before noon. Blueberry bagels with strawberry cream cheese are superb.

2002-12-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Geezers Need Excitement," The Streets

No fever! Woo-hoo! I still have a cough and a runny nose but I don't think that will affect my performance on the final. I feel a little apprehensive about the final because it will cover so much and I don't know what to study and how in-depth I have to study. I'm going home tomorrow for three glorious weeks of Christmas break. I can already see California. Mmmm...and our family New Year's party (it's my aunt's turning hosting it, doncha know). I am SO hijacking the karaoke machine when we get there. I had a major realization as I was walking in the student bookstore and the easy listening station was playing "Massachuesetts" by the Bee Gees. After having my uncles karaoke to the same friggin' Bee Gees compilation for the past 10 years (they haven't updated to a DVD karoke system, they still have the giant laserdisc system), I think I unwittingly know all the words to every Bee Gees song. "...but the lights all went out in San Francisco..." Yeah, what a useful skill, eh?

2002-12-16T11:55:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Make Me Whole," Amel Larrieux

About a month ago, the flu was sweeping through a lot of the dorms. I escaped unscathed much to my relief even though everyone around me got it. Well, I woke up yesterday with a bit of a sore throat. No biggie I thought, but today I have an annoying cough and a runny nose. I'm REALLY hoping that the symptoms will stop here so I can concentrate well on finishing my last finals on Wednesday.

I'm excited about going home because we will be going to California for the holidays to see all my billion cousins, aunts, and uncles. Whoopee!

Still brainstorming a new year's resolution...

2002-12-13T19:24:00.000-08:00

From Generation X:

"[...] the words of Rilke, the poet, entered my brain--his notion that we are all of us born with a letter inside us, and that only if we are true to ourselves, may we be allowed to read it before we die" (Coupland 58).

2002-12-13T14:08:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Fallen Souls," Ours

I think I found the most amazing room on campus. I had to go see my professor during his office hours. His office is located on the top floor of an 8-story building. This isn't terribly high but the campus is rather expansive and sprawling so most of the building are 4 stories high. The second I stepped off the elevator I was in this white waiting room, so white it was jarring. The windows took up most of the entire wall and the window frame was the lightest shade of silver. In a sense, the walls seemed like an afterthought. It had the best view of campus and my dorm was a tiny box in the far corner. There were very few people out so the campus looked very still. The only movement that could be detected was the furious flapping of the flag located on the quads. It was so calm up there, not like the labored uneasiness of the library where I feel foolish when my sneakers make squishing and squeaking noises. It felt so serene, as if time had stopped for minutes at a time.

The building was tall enough to see the roofs of the surrounding buildings. Nothing too special, just several garish satellite dishes. In that second, I got such a random memory. I remembered in 2nd grade that my elementary school had a book fair. I bought an illustrated book called Tar Beach about a girl whose family and some of their friends would go to the roof at night (when the tar roof was dried and cool). Her parents and their friends would play cards on a table. The girl and her brother would imagine themselves flying over the city. There's a part where she flies to the bridge and wears it like a "diamond necklace." For a moment it seemed like the perfect idea to get people together on a warm night and sneak onto the roof to play cards and talk. Just a random thought. I find it unsettling when you remember something long forgotten from your childhood from out of the blue. As for the waiting room, I wish I could go up there to do my homework every day on that petite table by the window.

2002-12-13T09:26:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "It Don't Mean a Thing," Ella Fitzgerald

Woke up from a bizarre dream involving my attendance of an ABBA concert. I won't even attempt any interpretations.

English final not too bad, I'll get an "A" in the class as long as I get at least a 68% or more on it.

Blogging at the heat of the moment is not a good idea. You just end up saying hurtful things. I was just so frustrated yesterday. I love my friends dearly but I'm tired of all the accusations that I'm "abandoning" them or that I don't have enough time for them if I decide to do something with someone else. It's ridiculous but I feel bad about the venom of yesterday's entry. I don't take back anything I said. I'm just sorry that things have to be like this, that's all.

Don't have any concrete plans this weekend but probably something boring like watching a movie.

2002-12-12T20:59:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "While My Guitar Gently Weeps," The Beatles

Sometimes, I wish I was far, far away in some strange land where I didn't know anyone.

I want a re-do, a do-over, a fresh start.

Sometimes, I wish I had gone to a college where I didn't know anyone because my close friends from high school that go here see no need to move forward. "We have all the friends we need!" they say, "I can only see myself talking to our group of friends many years in the future." But it all feels so stagnant, we've become so different and not in a good way either.

I was planning on going with several people from my dorm to see "Lord of the Rings: Twin Towers" on opening day after the last of our finals. The "circle" (as I like to refer to them) tell me today that they want to go see the movie and they ask me if I wanna go see it with them. I told them that I was already seeing with other people. Instead of "Oh okay, have fun then!" they kept repeatedly asking "why?" I mean it's no reason to get upset, but it's the principle of the thing.

(a) It's none of their business, I don't need a fucking interrogation for such a small thing. It's not like I missed their 21st birthday to have lunch with a casual acquaintance.

(b) My social life doesn't revolve around them

(c) While going to college is no reason to dump all your old friends, it is stupid not to branch out. That's what college is all about. New experiences. I don't want to sound like a cheesy counselor urging people to "smile and make friends!" The "circle" is right when they say that as you get older, you only keep contact with a precious few. So out of all the new people that become acquaintances only a few will become meaningful friendships but if you at least make one very close friend, isn't it worth the effort to meet new people or try to develop new friendships? Quite frankly, their very limited attitudes are mind-boggling.

Sorry, had to vent. It's been bothering me all semester long.

2002-12-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Novocaine for the Soul," Eels

I cooled off a bit from yesterday. Talked with my sis and sorted everything out. It's cool now, I think. She is still probably sad and I still feel guilty.

I had a fun-filled night of Bach at the college orchestra concert. We went out for pizza beforehand and I had the most tasty pizza ever--cheese covered in tomatoes and pesto. It was very fresh tasting and filling because the pizza slices were huge.

English final on Friday, wish me luck!

2002-12-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Staralfur," Sigur Ros

Dammit. My sister called me "selfish" because I'm going to travel abroad this summer and won't be able to spend all the summer with her. What am I supposed to do, stay home and vegetate all fucking day long for three months? I've already wasted enough summers not doing anything of interest to me and now that I finally have a chance to do something exciting, she's mad that I'm pursuing it. Whatever.

2002-12-10T15:58:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Exit," Longwave

The #1 thing on my To-Do list:

LEARN TO COOK!

I've been alternating between McDonald's and Panda Express for months on end and quite frankly I feel somewhat dirty from all the grease I've been eating.

2002-12-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Your Woman," White Town

Ahhh, this game is so freaking addictive! I've just wasted about 45 minutes!

Procrastination is a bitch.

2002-12-09T10:33:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Zhi mi bu hui," Faye Wong

Thanks to Grant for this nifty new song!

My subconscious is going all haywire on me. My dreams are getting progressively weirder. I was a little shaken when I woke up because I dreamt that I was 3 months pregnant. I didn't know who the father was or anything. I seemed to be the only one who was alarmed or surprised, everyone was acting as if it was normal. I went with my mom to the mall and she was cheerily helping me pick out baby clothes. In the last part of my dream, I was in some dingy, shady tavern cloudy with cigarette smoke. I went into the bathroom and when I looked into one of the bathroom stalls, I was horrified to see a black-red blood puddle around the toilet and all over the seat. All the other stalls looked similar to this. I ran out screaming into the tavern that something was wrong and there was blood all over the bathroom but everyone ignored me like I wasn't there.

2002-12-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Alone Together," The Strokes

This has been the best weekend.

Mexico was boatloads of fun (duh!). The concert kicked ass, so much energy. It was a local band that caught my eye. I was lusting after their waifish keyboard player. Har, har, har. I'm so lame.

What more could I ask for?

-----------------------------------------

2 interesting things (at least to me):

**I'm starting to refer to my dorm as "home." I used to make explicit divisions between the two i.e. "I have to go back to the dorm to get something" or "I'm driving home this weekend." No big deal, just a little weird. At the beginning of the year, it seemed like I had never really left for college. It felt like I was on some extended vacation. I guess I can't think this way when I'm going to be spending almost 3/4 of my year here.

**When I woke up Saturday, my head was still spinning from my dream.

I have to rewind a little, in elementary school I had two best friends, Candice and Sandy. Sandy is still one of my best friends. I don't know Candice anymore. We drifted a little in junior high but were still pretty close. By high school, it was as if we were on different planets. I was hurt by it but decided not to dwell on it excessively because I'd be stupid if I thought that people don't change and evolve. That's life. Besides, we were not mean to each other, just ignored each other. It was a little weird because at school functions, her mother would always come up to my mom and me to say "hi." The elementary school and junior high school we went to had very few Asian kids so despite the fact her family is Korean and mine is Filipino we bonded over our shared Asian connection.

One could argue that maybe I was partly responsible for our drifting apart but I did make an effort for us to be friends, at least. She was one grade level below me so I didn't see her again until sophomore year. Every time I bumped into her, I said "hi" and asked about how things were going. Her responses were short and cold. After a few more times of the cold treatment, I gave up. I tried the best I could and I figured if she made no effort than I shouldn't have to. This is such a common story, isn't it?

So what is the point of repeating it? In my dream, I went back to visit my high school to see some of my old teachers and friends. After I was done, I was on my way to the parking lot and I ran into Candice. She said that she was on her way to get coffee and asked if I wanted to go with her. I accepted and met her at Starbucks. We asked each other about school and other basic things. She then apologized for drifting apart and asked if I still wanted to be friends. I apologized, too, and I said that I would be more than happy to be friends again. I got back into my car to go home and then I woke up.

First off, let me say that I feel foolish for devoting so much space to this.

Anyway, I guess the dream took me aback because of the enormous sadness I felt when I realized it was just a dream and I was also surprised that I would dream about this now. I didn't think about it junior or senior year because there were millions of different things going on: graduation, college, prom, etc. With the exception of Sandy and a few others, most of the people I hung out with in high school didn't attend my elementary or junior high school. Maybe it hurt me more than I realized: fuck enemies, lost friends are the greater poison. Who knows, but minutes after I had woken up, I had a strong urge to call her but I soon realized that she probably wouldn’t be in my address book and my fingers had long forgotten her number.

2002-12-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Green Eyes," Coldplay

Sometimes I wish I had a more "cohesive" group of friends. If I put them all in a room together they wouldn't be mean or uncivil to each other. However, there would be a lot of silence and strained conversation. My friendships are so compartmentalized: friends I can talk to about movies and music, friends I can talk to about relationships, etc. etc. etc. I think I only have three friends that could comfortably mix with everyone. It's only a minor complaint.
Only about two weeks left in the semester.

*does assorted flips and other acrobatics*

2002-12-04T22:59:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Playground Love," Air

I'm puzzled why a lot of people asks me for relationship advice. No, really. I'm probably the person on this campus with the least amount of drama going on. I've had very little relationship experience in general--mostly me liking someone who won't reciprocate or vice-versa. And a close friendship that went from weird, to awkward (there's that word again), and then back to normal. I've been using the overusing "awkward" but if I think about it, it seems that I'm just one steaming pile of awkwardness. *sigh

It would be a horrible blanket statement to say that all TA's are Satan's spawn but I'm so glad to be out of bio lab. My TA was very well-meaning but the woman can't teach. I'm sorry. I can't dance around the facts. We had to complete our end of semester TA evaluations and when she left the room (in order to give everyone privacy), I sunk with guilt. I couldn't say anything negative. For most of the questions about her teaching ability, I marked (c) for "undecided." I'm such a wimp.

2002-12-01T15:06:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "The Same Boy You've Always Known," The White Stripes

You know what sucks? When you're 18 and the only boys who check you out are 14 year-olds. My sister kept on giving me grief for that.

Anyhoo, this weekend was SO relaxing. I didn't get any work done, though.

Mounds of turkey on Thursday and I finally tried out rhubarb pie and pecan pie for the first time (so GOOD, what have I been missing all my life?).

Friday, I was dragged to the football game for my old high school. I went with Ivan, Tami, and her two friends who go to her Buddhist temple. It was actually nice seeing everyone again and I visited my band geeks. It was horrible for them since they had to march in the rain (I can only begin to sympathize with the state of the key pads on their instruments) and they were freezing in those awful polyester uniforms. Mmmm, the good 'ol days of polyester. Mmmm, no, not quite. Our team lost which excited some of the seniors since they now have free Friday nights now. It rained for about 3/4 of the game which wasn't bad since my Dad smartly suggested that I bring an umbrella. I borrowed my lil' sister's kiddie umbrella which was fine for me but I couldn't help anyone around me since you can only fit 1.5 people underneath it. I kept on dripping water onto Ivan's shoulder (sorry!). I thought Tami's friends were cute but I think she was trying to set me up with one of them. Things got a little awkward at the end of the night. We stopped at In-N-Out for dinner and called it a night.

Saturday, I saw XXX at the dollar theater with Felicia. The movie is so dumb but so fun. Vin Diesel is so hot that some of those one-liners actually worked and Asia Argento is enviably stunning, too.

Nothing today but an avalanche of homework that I had mananged to temporarily evade.

Ciao.

2002-11-26T12:05:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Provider," N.E.R.D.

What is it about winter air that makes you feel so alive? My knuckles felt frozen by the icy drafts as I rode my bike this morning. My hands were red and overwhelmingly warm by the time I stepped inside. When I went in my room, I picked up a a tiny screw off the floor and it felt like a prick of ice. Amazing. I'll stop rambling about nothing. 1 day until Thanksgiving and I'm so excited to see my family!

2002-11-24T18:03:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Falling," Ben Kweller

I don't feel like I'm falling down

Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, BUH!

Just say hello to the ground

I still haven't cleared him from my thoughts...It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to run into him everywhere. Alas, out of mind, out of mind. *sigh*

I slept in as usual to about noon which is super but I feel like I'm wasting half my day in the process. I treated myself to raspberry boba and dumplings for lunch and then spent most of the time trying to read for my English test tomorrow but failed and kept falling asleep. I think I'll avoid studying on my bed from now on. I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving. Four day weekend=BEAUTIFUL. My brother told me to expect to see his new rabbit next week. I'm told it has brown fur and is very chubby. Oooh, hurray for extended holidays!

2002-11-23T18:50:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: "Luv," Travis

After the craziness of the week, today feels like a day to lie down with headphones and let some music wash over you. My first semester of college is winding down. It went by so fast.

Oh, and I can't get a certain someone out of my system. For days and days, my brain has been circling around the same thought: why are you such a coward?

2002-11-19T23:49:00.000-08:00

Song I'm Listening to: “20," Travis

What happens if you get bored visiting home on the weekends? Yup, you watch VH1's "100 Greatest Love Songs" and download David Cassidy's "I Think I Love You" and Billy Joel's "She's Got a Way." Then, you get in a sappy mood and start downloading EVERY possible love song you can think of. The positive side to homework procrastination by watching VH1 is that I got to see "Rock's Most Eligible Bachelors" 3 times (once on Fri, Sat, Sun). I got to see prime footage of Julian Casablancas and Jack White. I think I will also make room for Chris Martin on my “special” list. I mean he was talking about how brilliant kite-flying is. How hot is that?

My sister and I went to Harry Potter at the 11 PM showing on Friday. I liked it a lot but it doesn’t compare to the book (doesn’t everyone say that about books and their respective movies?). I like this one better than the first movie. The actors are all undergoing the typical pubescent voice changes so I tried to be sympathetic, but if I had to hear Ron squeak for the umpteenth time I was going to have a friggin’ hernia.

*possible spoiler*

I also got annoyed at Tom Riddle because it felt fairly anticlimactic when he’s screaming “NO!” when Harry is going to destroy him. He can’t really do anything other than control the basilisk since he’s a memory until Ginny dies. The part in the movie still felt stupid and I don’t think it captured the intensity of the scenes inside the Chamber of Secrets.

*end of spoiler*

On a positive note, I think Daniel Radcliffe is doing a lot better playing Harry and Emma Watson was impeccable as Hermione (as usual). The supporting players (Richard Harris, Maggie Smith, Kenneth Branagh, Robbie Coltrane, Alan Rickman) were excellent, too. And then there’s Sean Biggerstaff…ahhh…and again…ahhh.

2002-11-14T15:26:00.000-08:00

Song of the Moment: "The Lament of Pretty Baby," Cursive

Routine as usual. Broke a buret in chem lab. Damn, my head has been elsewhere lately. Things will get better, I mean nothing is terribly wrong just "blah."

I'm psyched about seeing The Chamber of Secrets tomorrow *giggles gleefully* At least there's something to look forward to...

2002-11-13T00:12:00.000-08:00

Song of the Moment: "I Can't Wait," The White Stripes

Thank you to people that you can always go to. When we finish talking, I realize hours have gone by yet I feel as if I've walked through hot shower refreshed and cleansed. Thank you. My love for you guys is so overwhelming that I fear I may implode or melt (I'm still deciding which) from the enormity of the gratitude I feel. You know who you are ;)

This weekend has been amazing thanks to you all.

2002-11-07T14:40:00.000-08:00

Someone please dig me out of my apathy. Everything's fucked and it's all my fault.

2002-11-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

Song of the Moment: "Baby Phat," De La Soul

I totally fucked up on my chem test but it's my own fault. I should've studied yesterday instead of going off to see "The Ring." We're all our own worst enemies anyway. Plus, it's Halloween dammit, you have to do something. "The Ring" is so creepy. I didn't think it was too bad until I went back to the dorm. Marilyn (my roomie) was sleeping so I gathered all my books and studied in the lounge. It was around 1 AM and oddly enough there was no one else there like there usually is. After a few minutes of scary silence, I got so freaked out, I ran with all my stuff to the lobby where I knew several people were hanging out. I felt a lot safer doing my homework near other people. This is weird since I usually don't scare so easily.

Rant #1 of the Day: To the annoying guy in my microbiology class--I understand that you are very "inquisitive" during microbiology, but do you HAVE to interrupt the teacher every fucking minute to make asinine comments that do not substantially contribute to the lecture. You may have delusions of grandeur regarding your expertise on the subject but you can't teach the class and unless you have a PhD in microbiology like our professor then shut the hell up and let her teach. THANK YOU!

Rant #2 of the Day: Gag me if I hear another Asian girl say she thinks all Asian guys are misogynistic or an Asian guy say he thinks all Asian girls are materialistic. Date whoever you want, I don't give a fuck but don't spew bullshit about these stupid stereotypes. People are people, there is misogyny, materialism, and a whole smorgasbord of personality deficiencies in every gender and ethnicity. You might have had some bad experiences. Fine. We all have our own baggage, but don't pin your grievances onto the whole group. You're unaware of how much harm you're doing. As an oversimplifying shithead, you're denying people's rights to be individuals.

Woooh, that was cathartic. I was probably unnecessarily harsh but I just had to get that out.

2002-10-30T09:52:00.000-08:00

Song of the Moment: "Bulletproof...I Wish I Was," Radiohead

Eh it's been a while...The interracial dating drama of Ivan and Tami is more or less over. Ivan called Tami's mom and tried to explain how much her prejudice was hurting Tami. She later called Tami and apologized and gave her blessings for the relationship. There was a lot more crap going on in the middle but this is the condensed version. It was really weird because Ivan called me up late the night before and started asking for advice on what to say Tami's mom. He was so nervous about calling her. I didn't expect everything to work out so smoothly...

My English presentation went really well and there was very minimal stuttering involved. Woo-hoo! The thing about presentations is that I never know where to look. It's so awkward. I have another presentation in my biology lab tonight. Hmmm, can I pull off another stutter-less presentation?

Random thought: One of the most funniest things I have ever seen is this "bike gang" that I always see when I get out of my late-night class. I like to bicycle and it's fun if you go around with someone else but I think going around in a pack of 7 is overkill. At first, I thought "Oh...um...maybe they're all going somewhere together...yeah, that's it." But after seeing them several times, I realize it is not an isolated incident. Remember when you were in elementary school and everyone went around the neighborhood on bikes because nobody could drive (duh) and Jennifer's/Joe's cool older brother refused to drive you guys around (you detracted too much from his aura of "maturity")? Then people grew up and started driving or bumming rides off other people. I've since rediscovered my enjoyment of bike riding but I think I have better sense to go around on tiny BMX bikes with a "crew" sporting Rollin' Hard shirts and simultaneously smoking cigarettes, all WHILE biking. It's like some vision of hardcore rebellion gone wrong. They were shooting for anti-establishment James Dean and instead got this shit ("Geez can I get some credit, biking while smoking is kind of like a motorcyle or car...") First, I shouldn't waste so much space knocking sadly oblivious people who aren't worth it and can't defend themselves. Second, I shouldn't be so harsh, live and let live, blah, blah, blah. Third, I probably have loads of embarrassing shit on me but at least I'm self-aware about it. I just can't help laughing my ass off when they go by bikin' n' smokin' with their smug shit-eating grins. Friggin' hilarious.

2002-10-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

Song of the Moment: "Meet Me at the Bottom," Longwave

Yesterday: Took Tami and Ivan for their first try of boba. I tried raspberry this time. I can't help myself, I'm addicted, and I don't know why. We also tried out honeyed banana tempura. I guess anything can be made into tempura because I went to a place last year that served cheesecake tempura. I also checked out the Creative Writing Club. The people were really nice and intelligent but not pretentious (YES!). I think I might be a regular because the club manages to be simultaneously relaxing and stimulating (very good conversation is always a plus).

Today: Just the usual routine.

Because I have a penchant for being sappy, some semi-romantic poetry:

if you like my poems let them

e.e. cummings

if you like my poems let them
walk in the evening,a little behind you

then people will say
"Along this road i saw a princess pass
on her way to meet her lover(it was
toward nightfall)with tall and ignorant servants."

2002-10-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

Song of the Moment: "Warning Sign," Coldplay

I already miss the weekend.

Friday: went to the meeting for the literary magazine and discussed fundraising. Submissions will be rolling in next semester and I can't wait to read them. Although 50% to 75% may be of questionable quality, I am constantly jealous of the creativity and talent that I find. There are about 10 people on staff and it's cool how it is working out. The majority of the staff are creative writing or studio art majors and I'm the lone science person. It's evenly divided in terms of what our interests are with about 3 people per subject area. I'm going to judge mainly the poetry submissions.

After a rather productive meeting, I met up with Aerin and we went to this cafe that serves boba. I was through the roof because the last time I had boba was over the summer in San Diego. My favorite flavor wasn't there (Caramel Apple) so I settled for the safest choice, strawberry. They also had some good mix of shrimp and vegetable tempura for about $5.50. I went back to the dorm and had to play relationship counselor for Ivan and Tami. A billion different stresses on them mostly from Tami's mom who still hasn't come around. The weirdest thing was that when we all went home together the weekend before, you couldn't tell that Tami's mom felt so venomous about Ivan but Tami said the second we left, her mom rolled her eyes and refused to discuss him. Yuck...

Saturday: Spelunking was a blast (couldn't get used to the odor of guano, though) but I spent the rest of Saturday evening sleeping. I set my alarm clock for 10 PM in order to see SNL but I unplugged the alarm clock when it went off and went back to sleep. It's surreal when you can include John McCain and the White Stripes in the same sentence. My brother told me I didn't miss much since apparently McCain isn't that funny. But I heard they played "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" and was immediately saddened. I get shivers when he sings: "Soft hair and a velvet tongue | I want to give you what you give to me | And every breath that is in you lungs is a tiny, little gift to me."

Sunday: Got up early because I had unintentionally slept early Saturday. I went to early morning mass and actually had breakfast afterwards. I had a breakfast burrito roughly the size of my head. It was glorious. I soon figured out that my rough draft was a piece of crap and started from scratch. Of those 7 original pages, I could only salvage 2 friggin' paragraphs. I stayed up until 3:30 AM.

Today: Prof announces that she's shoving the due date for the English paper back until Wednesday. I feel like collapsing on my desk from worthless exhaustion.

2002-10-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

Song of the Moment: "Relative Ways," ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead

Classes went so smoothly today, I didn't even get the slightest urge to nod off or pass out. Awesome. In chem, my professor smashed a tennis ball, some red carnations, and a banana after dipping them in liquid nitrogen. No day is comple without liquid nitrogen, right?

I don't have anything to talk about right now. I just have a tingly sensation in my walk, like the pieces are starting to fit and everything is falling into place. I hope this good mood isn't fleeting.

"Relative Ways," ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead

It's hard to imagine, it's so hard to perceive; to find an expression for what it all means. All panic and struggle, all death and decay are coming together in relative ways. This electric guitar hanging to my knees; a couple verses i can barely breathe; but it's all right; it's ok, it's coming together in relative ways.

It's started to happen, it's started to change; with the movement upon us, hope we make it ok. If it takes a life or a couple of days, it's coming together in relative ways. This electric guitar hanging to my knees; a couple of verses i can barely breathe. But it's all right, it's ok. It's coming together in relative ways.

It's ok, i'm a saint; i forgave your mistakes.

2002-10-17T19:14:00.000-07:00

I got back from my chem discussion and I feel tired (a good tired, though). I feel as if I have actually accomplished something although it was as miniscule as being on top of things instead getting by on caffeine and all-nighters and becoming a zombie the next morning. That's exactly how I spent most of last week. I'm trying to change, really. Hmmm, I wonder how long it will be until I revert back to my old ways?

Nothing is a better pick-me up than poetry.

This is from David Lehman's The Daily Mirror

December 29

I spent a month writing love poems
to women I didn't know (see May 7),
women I had met for a whole half
hour (August 18), fictional characters,
composite dream-drenched figures,
and all for the pleasure of being
a French poet in prewar Paris, having
a Gauloise and an espresso on the run,
I had vast metaphors to make,
no sooner did I have an idea than
I would witness its fulfillment,
a tower or a bridge, and head on
to the next project and of course you
were there with me the whole time
though unnamed in the rain as if
nothing could be more romantic
than a shared umbrella

Yeah, I feel like watching In the Mood for Love right about now. So I'm a hopeless romantic, sue me.

2002-10-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

Song of the Moment: "Truth or Dare," N.E.R.D.

I think I'm having a good day. I woke up on time, I didn't fall asleep in any of my classes, AND my chem lab got out early. The only thing that went bad was in chem lab when I dropped the beaker, shattering it all over the floor. I had to buy a new one (only $1 doncha know). This may sound morbid but glass makes a lovely noise when it crashes to the ground.

The week is winding down but the worst is already over (mid-terms, blah) and I'm excited about going spelunking on Saturday but knowing my luck, the cave would probably collapse on me.

2002-10-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

Song of the Moment: "In My Life," The Beatles

This is the perfect song to get nostalgic to. I finished my lab report for chemistry and I think I'll turn in for the night. As tired as I get, mostly from my own procrastination, I can't help but feel overwhelmingly satisfied. I'm slowly crawling up from apathy. Some days will be wonderful, others unbearable, I'll deal with it.

This afternoon, I was perusing the bookstore for the next novel I have to buy for my English book. "David Boring" looks really fabulous and funny plus its from the guy who brought us Ghost World. I'm salivating. I don't think my English professor would assign us to read a graphic novel. Oh well... I got a message through our school listserv about people interested in forming book clubs. Maybe I'm stupid but the idea of reading for pleasure sounds novel and wonderful right now.

I'm being childish about my infatuation with the guy in my English class. I love talking to him just because it feels so easy and refreshing. One of my classes is held in a building right across from his dorm and every time I pass by it, I secretly hope he'll be on his way out and we'll "conveniently" run into each other. Haha, I can't believe I said that.

I've also made the decision that I should probably leave cute-boy-who-lives-down-the-hall alone because dorm-cest is a bad idea. It's an open invitation for year-round weirdness and awkwardness if the said relationship does not work out. Anyway, I'm also getting ahead of myself because I don't think I would ever get involved with cute-boy-who-lives-down-the-hall on account of the fact that (a) I'm a massive chicken and (b) I can't even get past the hurdle of having a normal, decent conversation with him i.e. a conversation without me swallowing my foot or mumbling.

2002-10-15T17:13:00.000-07:00

YESSSSS!!!! I successfully made rice! Woo-hoo! My mom bought me a rice cooker a few weeks ago for my dorm. I finally got around to trying it out yesterday. I called my mom and she told me the rice to water ratio was 1:1. Since I'm so freakin' intelligent, I botched this up and my rice was extremely crunchy. Anyhoo, I retried it today and my rice was just right, sticky and moist and yummy...ahhh...I'm on Cloud 9 and so easily excitable.

2002-10-13T20:46:00.000-07:00

	Which Classic Book Are You?

Book:	Lady Murasaki Shikibu's *The Tale of Genji*.

Synopsis:	Widely acknowledged as the world's first novel, this astonishingly lovely book was written by a court lady in Heian Japan and offers a window into that formal, mannered world. Genji, a man of passionate impulses and a lover of beauty, is the favorite son of the Emperor, though his position at court is not entirely stable. He follows his wayward longings through moonlight-soaked gardens and jeweled pavilions, with mysterious women such as the Lady of the Orange Blossoms, the Akashi lady, and his own father's Empress.

Excerpt:	Next day Genji wrote a note to Tamakatsura in which he said: 'How did you get on yesterday? Were you able to see the procession properly? I am sure that, if you were, you now take a very different view about my recent proposal...' She was at first amused by the notion that a fleeting glimpse through the window of a palanquin could have altered her decision about serving at the Palace. But after a moment's reflection she realized that this was precisely what had happened. How clever he always was at guessing what went on in other people's heads!

Amazon:	The Tale of Genji

	Which Classic Book Are You?

2002-10-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...In response to my cousin's recent heartbreak, I'm going to send him a break-up mix CD in the mail. I'm shooting for slightly uplifting but not too much that I'm "invalidating" his feelings of sadness. I'll throw in some of the usual suspects, some cheese, and everything in-between.

Break-up Mix

Janet Jackson- Again
Weezer- The Good Life
Coldplay- Warning Sign
Counting Crows- Long December
Sheryl Crow- My Favorite Mistake
Longwave- Best-Kept Secret
Jann Arden- Insensitive
Jordan Hill- Remember Me This Way
White Stripes- Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
Weezer- Say It Ain’t So
Eurhythmics- Here Comes the Rain
U2- I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Frankie Valli- My Eyes Adored you
Barry Manillow- Ready to Take a Chance Again
The Beatles- In My Life
Sister Hazel- Your Winter

Because of my unhealthy eating for today (Breakfast: Krispy Kremes, Ben & Jerry's Phish Food, Lunch: cheeseburger, chocolate shake, onion rings), I decided to have a turkey sandwhich dinner. Ironically, I eat more unhealthy when I go home than when I go to school. Tami and Ivan stopped by my dorm today to say "hi." Apparently the situation with Tami's mom is still bad. She still won't accept their relationship based on the fact that Ivan isn't Japanese. It's been nearly a year now. I was really surprised because Tami is 2nd generation American and I thought her mother would be accepting since she grew up here, too. I don't know, it's just so messy.

2002-10-13T18:14:00.000-07:00

I spent a long, relaxing weekend visiting home. I didn't finish any of the homework I had brought but I don't care. I don't think this is the "right" attitude to have...I have been sinking into a peculiar apathy lately. I watched Sweet Home Alabama with Suzanne on Friday night. I watched it because I think Reese Witherspoon is fabulous. I enjoyed it but it is such a chick flick and I thought her fiance from New York looked uncannily like JFK Jr. which I think was done on purpose. I guess that's how a politician's son is suppose to look like. There was this rude woman sitting two seats down from us. I whispered to Suzanne about one part of the movie and this woman said, "Shut the hell up." However, throughout the whole movie she proceeded to talk loudly to her daughter. I mean, what the hell?

Saturday I watched Beauty and the Beast on DVD with my sister Beth. Five minutes from the ending, my parents turn off the movie to watch the news because they said we could watch it any time. Grrr... Even though I've watched it several times (including its IMAX run), it's just not the same without the buildup! Of course, the first half of the news was mostly fluffy human-interest stories. Double grrr... We went out to eat at IN-N-OUT and then had to satisfy our ice cream craving at Albertson's. We each bought a tiny carton of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food. I thought I was going to go into convulsions, that stuff is heavenly!

I drove home today at around noon. Today's driving music was "The Bends." Driving back to college is weird because the stretch of highway is known for being infested with cops that are really anal about the speed limit. The cops tend to park in this space between the two roads between one of the many trees that can hide them really well. The fast lane was going about 80 and the right lane 70-75 mph. I was very careful about going the same speed as all the cars around me. I was with the same cluster of cars for 2 hours.

I'm settling back in my dorm like folding my laundry and other mundane things. My mom bought me this quirky red sweater and a black and white houndstooth shawl for the winter. Awww...I'm such a baby...

2002-10-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

I'm so mad at myself right now. I don't think I should've went bowling. It was fun but I could've used that extra night for my homework. I stayed up all night on my English paper. I was half-way through writing it when I realized that I had no point in my paper. My thesis was nonsense, so I took to rewriting it and subsequently most of my paper. I also had a biology lab to type up. I was confident that I could use the 2 hours before class, but the professor from another one of my classes had a review session for this Friday's test so being so forgetful, I attended and when I got back to my dorm I realized I had only 30 minutes left to type up my lab. Then my computer started getting all these system errors and before I knew it I was rushing to class, lab-less. All is not lost, I'm turning it in tomorrow for partial credit, better than nothing I suppose.

I hate going to lab (demonic computers that refuse to work at crucial moments aside) because it feels so tedious. My teacher, a graduate student, has a thick Indian (as in India) accent and she talks super-fast. She's really nice and helpful but everyone likes to snicker about the accent. I can see where they're coming from; it's hard when you're in a subject where all the jargon and nomenclature is critical and you can barely understand your teacher. But I'm horribly protective of people with accents because of my parents. Their English is nearly accent-less but if you notice the small things in their pronunciation, you can tell. I think it's hypocritical when people cruelly rip on people when they have accents yet they don't give them credit for being able to speak another language. Whereas most Americans can only speak English. Grrr... But alas, I'm also the hypocrite since I fall into the category of monolingual (is that a word?) American, coconut, kano, or something or the other. I'm tired and going off on tangents.

What do you call a person who speaks three languages?
Trilingual

What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
Bilingual

What do you call a person who speaks one language?
American

2002-10-08T01:17:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting night... I went cosmic bowling with Tami and Ivan. All of the balls left had thumb-holes that were way too large. I had to grip my finger really tight just to hold the ball and keep it from falling down. This wasn't too bad but toward the 3rd or 4th game, my hands were getting achy and fatigued. True to bowling etiquette, there was a girl several feet behind me in the lane next to me who was letting me go before her. As I walked forward and swung my arm, I lost my tight grip on the ball and it flew backwards. Luckily, it missed the girl behind me. I apologized a billion times for almost killing her. I felt like such a loser/jerk. Tami and Ivan were falling over and laughing hysterically as were all the people sitting immediately around us. I stopped bowling after that one. I don't think my conscience could handle it if I caused any more casualties from wayward bowling balls.

As we were passing by a neighborhood on the way back, I noticed the streets had a neat theme. The first street was "Harvard" so I was expecting that the other streets would be named after other Ivies or something like "Stanford" or "Caltech." In actuality, the street names were fairly diverse:

Oberlin
Carnegie
Baylor
Amherst
Duquesne
Lehigh
Grinnell
Rutgers
Fordham
Princeton
Kenyon
Duke
Yale

2002-10-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

And Saturday's locked away on the pier...

I think my mood has reversed to quiet resignation. I hung out with Tami and Ivan after I finished my last class. We had some prime chicken sandwhiches and then we went to the Gateway shop because Ivan had to ask a question about his laptop. We checked out the local mall which wasn't too shabby. We spent almost an hour at the Discovery Channel Store where they carried some interesting books and documentaries (A&E and BBC ones mostly). They were going to watch Evil Dead at their apartment but I had to pass because I have a meeting to prepare for tomorrow morning. Yuck. There's something pathetic about setting your alarm clock for a Saturday morning. 'Tis a necessary evil, I suppose.

A reason my roommate rocks- she owns Croupier on DVD and loves to read Gabriel Garcia Marquez

2002-10-04T14:19:00.000-07:00

Excuse me, while I kiss the sky

I'm in nothing short of a good mood. We were doing the editing for our rhetorical analysis papers in separate peer groups so I got up at around 10:30 and had a hot, leisurely shower and a lazy breakfast (leftover Chinese food, still tasty).

I bought Mary's birthday present yesterday. I chose to give her Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto because the book rocked my world and I hope it will do the same for her. I'm going to mail it out to her this afternoon. I feel a little bad that I bought her a book because she has this humanities class this semester with a lot of reading assignments (she had to buy 8-10 books) and she probably won't have time to read it. Perhaps, Kitchen will be useful when she rides the subway or boards an airplane.

2002-10-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

I think I'm in love

Slowly, college is really starting to warm up on me. Maybe I love it, I daresay... This past weekend I went stargazing at a mountain observatory with a group from my dorm. I got to see Saturn and its rings, Jupiter, and yes, Uranus. I also saw Orion along with other constellations. I had to take my thick, puffy jackets out of retirement because it was freezing especially at night. A few of us stayed for the sunrise so we had to kill a few hours. I took a 4 hour nap and in the remaining 2 hours afterward, we hung out by the domed telescope. When you're up at around 4 in the morning, you can get pretty delirious.

Out of extreme boredom, I asked the astronomer what "age" we were in. He pulled out this constellation map on the computer and it turns out we're in the constellation Pisces. But I was like, "This is the dawning of the Age of...ummm...Pisces? Whoa, that doesn't work as well..." The astronomer showed us that we wouldn't be in the Age of Aquarius until 2600. Not like I think it matters but that's the last time I use "Hair" as an authority :)

After that brilliant conversation, we had a stimulating a discussion. OK, not really. Someone was like, "Hey guys, I don't know why people are so picky about the pronunciation of 'Uranus' because you're going to offend someone anyways. You'll either say 'anus' or 'urine.'" There were some nods of agreement from other people. The whole time I was thinking, this is what sleep deprivation can do to a normally coherent group of people?

The sunrise was anti-climactic. We trudged outside on the mountain ledge wrapped in blankets and full of hopes. To our horror, we realized there were clouds completely covering the horizon. I started laughing because I should've seen it coming. Other than the disappointing sunrise, I loved every minute of the trip.

I spent Sunday and Monday "recuperating" from the whole weekend where I had very little sleep. Yesterday, Tami got her car so we celebrated by cruising around town. We finally ate at Denny's since most places (not counting the pubs and bars) are closed at 11 PM. Yeah, gotta get to class.

2002-09-24T23:32:00.000-07:00

You do it to yourself, you do

Went out for some Domino's and then biked around for about an hour. I love the wind in my hair since it's the closest thing I'll get to a motorcycle. Ahhh... Earlier I tried to do my reading under the shade of a tree. In all the college viewbooks, they always have glamorously serene photos of students reading on the quads in the shade so I decided why not. Five minutes into reading, sweat beads are coming down the side of my face and I have to retreat back to my dorm. It was worth a try.

I'm getting mad at myself because I can't formulate proper sentences. There's this rather cute guy down the hall and everytime he asks me a question I answer in incoherent grunts or mumble something. What's wrong with me? I'm not asking to be cute or witty, just to answer normally. Is that too much to ask for? And of course, I run into him everywhere, therefore, magnifying the problem to the nth degree. I'm trying to forget about my little speech impediment but it happened for like the 20th time. Grrrr...damn hormones...

2002-09-24T00:03:00.000-07:00

I feel my luck could change...

*Yeah, Shaolin Soccer must be one of the strangest/funniest movies. Between my laughing, all I could do was shake my head and wonder, "What the hell?" The movie Frailty was disturbing, I flinched every time I heard the axe drop.

**Ordered some popcorn chicken from a place that delivers anytime before 11:00 PM. It was greasy and divine.

***I got my test results back, not too shabby. First tests are always awkward.

****Still haven't found a birthday present for my friend, gotta get on it...

*****A shitty dilemma-- The Strokes are coming in little over a month...but on a Sunday...and it's a 2-3 hour drive one way...I have several classes that start fairly early on Monday. Damn it.

G'night y'all!

2002-09-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

Bones sinking like stones

I'm so tired, but now that I think about it, does anyone wake up chock full of energy? I had a lot of fun this weekend, so what if it was unproductive. Went to a b-day party yesterday, so nice and laid back. The food was mouth-watering. The best part was that the celebrant received Dating for Dummies. In this table in the back of the book they had dating "translations." For instance, if someone says "I've never had this feeling before!" it means "Let's have sex!" according to the book. I'll remember to steer clear of that phrase... Oooh, there are also dating worksheets you can fill out after dates in order to see "patterns." There's a place to fill out what went well and what was "icky poo poo" stuff (I'm not kidding about that one). The following are actual headings from the book-- "what happens if you hate your date?," "what happens if your date hates you?," and finally "what happens if you both hate each other?" Simply priceless.

Before I turned in for the night, I went on a little night trip around campus on bike with a friend. I felt bad, because halfway through, my nose started bleeding for no reason and we had to take a slightly lengthy break. My nose has been behaving weirdly with all the weather changes (from humid to dry, dry to humid).

One of my friends is getting really homesick, to the point that she feels like she wants to transfer to a school closer to home. I guess she feels bored to tears in the dorms. None of us have cars yet with us (damn waiting list) so we're pretty much stuck on campus unless we hitch a ride. Public transportation is pretty stinky, this city is more of a car city. I've tried to look and ask around about interesting places to explore near and around campus. Maybe that will cheer her up. I don't want her to totally give up on the whole college experience because it's ideally all about trying to re-establish yourself and try new things outside of home. I do get homesick from time to time but not in such a large magnitude. But our situations are different since she is an only child. I can only hope she feels better.

I have yet to buy the thoughtful, quality birthday gift for my friend. I have to get it soon because I have to ship it to Illinois. There is a pretty limited selection of stores near campus. The best option as of now is to buy her something from the bookstore. I'm still brainstorming books that won't lose their appeal and can be read multiple times. It's harder that I thought to pair up a compatible book to another person, I don't want to assume that she'll agree with me about everything I like to read. Well, class beckons...

2002-09-21T23:52:00.000-07:00

Disarm you with a smile

Happy Harvest Moon Festival!

Tonight has been most excellent. I went to see my roommate (who rocks on the violin) perform in orchestra and it was great. They played pieces by Puccini and Verdi among others. As I was listening at the orchestra, I got a few pangs of sadness. There were several oboe solos and I really missed playing it. It's been almost a year since I last played. I'd be lying if I said that music played no role in my life. I had been doing it for so long. However, music won't be involved in my profession (I'm currently pre-med or if that doesn't work, something science-related). I love music, but I feel like I'm squandering my parents' money by continuing to study the oboe. It can get fairly expensive to buy a quality instrument, buy reeds, etc. I dunno, I dunno...

Anyway, after the concert we had moon cake on the lawn in front of my dorm. We all made our secret wishes after we had the moon cake. Good times! Just chatted about random stuff. My friend told me about some crackpot theory that the moon doesn't exist, and that it is an illusion, or something like that. We went for coffee afterwards, but I opted for some yummy iced chai instead because I didn't want to be wired all night.

Earlier this afternoon, I was passing by the commons and this woman had these small kittens playing in the grass. I totally froze because one reminded me of my cat that ran away a while ago. After much deliberation, I went over to see the kitten. Once again, pangs of sadness. I can get so nostalgic sometimes, it's a little embarrassing.

2002-09-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna be an old man anymore!

I think I did okay on the tests, although I studied all the wrong things. On the agenda for the weekend--

1) Buy a thoughtful, quality birthday gift for my friend (which will not be the typical bath & body products basket with Watermelon Delight or whatnot).
2) Attend my roomie's orchestra performance.
3) Set up lawn chairs and watch the moon tomorrow night while eating mooncake (split for 4 people because I only got 1)
4) Slowly ween myself off caffeine at least for the weekend.
5) Sleep. When I think that I have enough sleep, then sleep some more just to make sure.

2002-09-19T16:44:00.000-07:00

In the sun, sun having fun...

Or not...Yup, yup... Life has a funny way of piling all the tests and papers on a single day. Distractions are everywhere so I've decided to isolate myself in an attempt to be productive.

...Relinquishing junk, stage one. For this you will need : one room which you will not leave; soothing music; tomato soup-ten tins of; mushroom soup-eight tins of, for consumption cold; ice cream, vanilla-one large tub of; magnesium, milk of-one bottle; paracetimol; mouthwash; vitamins; mineral water; lukicite; pornography; one matress; one bucket for urine, one for feces, and one for vomitous...
--from Trainspotting

Okay, so it's not that bad for me. I am only going to leave my room if there's a fire, I run out of caffeine, or I have to go to the bathroom. I'm going to close my door so that nobody will poke their heads in and ask if I want to join their super-fun activity because I know I'll drop my books and start running.

When I study I get sudden cravings. I could really go for a fudgesicle right now, just a glistening blob of chocolate. Mmmm... But guess what? Yup, I won't... No siree bob... Nope, nope, nope. Anyhoo, the ice cream machines only have these tiny fudgesicles that are fat-free and don't even taste like chocolate and they expect you to fork over $1.25 for those suckers. Bastards. Um, I think it's just the frustration talking.

2002-09-18T20:50:00.000-07:00

I wanna be sedated!

I've been a zombie lately. Technically, there are 24 hours in a day and I have sufficient time to get things done. But when I face an avalanche of white paper, a million things surface in my mind like an idea for a story, e-mails to be written, and errands to be run. I've also been making multiple coffee runs for good measure. I have a lot less homework here than I had in high school. Methinks college is better than high school but not as fun as pre-school. I still think its weird that I have to shower with flip-flops on but it's better than the alternative. Tinactin, anyone?

Yesterday was nice, I went out to dinner with a friend. Too bad I'm an idiot. When someone say's that "we should go out for dinner!" it's codespeak for "let's go on a date!" But being so thick, I accepted without even suspecting any romantic inclinations on his part. Later on in the phone conversation:

Him: Okay now, so it's a date
Me: Uh-huh (sarcastically)
Him: (pause, then in crestfallen tone)...Oh...
Me: (thinking "Shit! I'm not really an inconsiderate bitch just an oblivious one!")
Him: I'll meet you there then...

Dinner did turn out nice though, not too weird or awkward. It begs the question: how many credit hours is Remedial Intuition 101?