Sunday, March 02, 2003

Song I'm Listening to: "Slide," Missy Elliot

As if anyone checks this, but I'm sorry for not updating. Some people I know found my blog who shouldn't have. It's my blog and I can say what I want but I've been stricken with paranoia because I'm afraid I'll hurt someone by what I write here but at the same time I want to be honest. I don't know if I'll take a sabbatical from blogging.

Lilian wrote at 1:46 PM

Wednesday, January 01, 2003

Greetings from San Diego! Happy New Year!

New Year's was, um, different...I'm surprised at the level in which a lot of things have changed. The family New Year's parties as of late have whittled down considerably. The parties from my childhood were loud and boisterous. It seemed that there were a billion cousins running around and drunken aunts and uncles karaoking to the Bee Gees and other easy listening classics. The adults used to force the kids to perform in a makeshift family talent show. One year, my sister and I taped cheap ribbon to chopsticks to make a DIY Ribbon Dancer (I adamantly refused to pay for a real one). I never noticed how small these parties were becoming. So many people have moved (many have gone back to the Philippines or transferred to the east coast). People have gotten older (there was an alarming increase in the amount of gray hair). Just an interesting observation.

I remember last New Year when I felt this rising in my stomach. Things are really going to change. I was going to leave high school which was had already become stale. I had senioritis since freshman year. College is super. So much freedom. And newness. Maybe I had too high expectations. College seemed like the perfect escape. Now I feel as if I've reached a strange crossroads with my old friends. I guess that was to be expected, wasn't it? I like the fact that I can sleep in. I still don't understand how I woke up at 6 AM for 12 years. The people in college are refreshingly more diverse and open-minded. I like the people in my dorm because they're quirky and nice at the same time. Surprisingly, I ate very little ramen or pizza. I maintained the same weight since starting college which I am proud about. Sharing a bathroom with 24 people isn't too bad. It sucks when you become utterly infatuated with someone who lives a few doors down and are forced to see them every day (I haven't conquered my awkwardness as of yet). I turned 18 which was anti-climactic. I should register to vote, probably as a Democrat. As tempting as it is to skip class since they don't take roll, I attended 85-90% of my classes. I was fortunate to be paired up randomly to a cool and considerate roommate. After one failed attempt, I learned to cook rice. After putting it off for so long, I finally got my driver's license (on the first try, yay me). After having a weird dream of an estranged friend apologizing to me, I ran into her at a party and had the first real conversation with her since our falling out four years ago. I learned that I have a very, very, very low alcohol tolerance.

New Year's resolution (pardon the corniness): To live more passionately, more singing and dancing, less anger.

Screw any attempts at decreasing procrastination because I always break this resolution one month into the year.

That's my year in review. What a good year this has been.

Lilian wrote at 9:16 PM

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

Which Edward Gorey Book Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lilian wrote at 9:28 AM

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Song I'm Listening to: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head," BJ Thomas

I don't think I did too well on my biology final. I'm borderline A/B and the final really mattered. I'm not terribly bummed becaused I studied a grip and did the best I could.

Other than a less than stellar final, I had a fabulous day. It was cloudy and drizzly. I had to see another professor about a possible research lab opening. His office was on the 10th floor which was comprised of mostly windows. The rain was letting up and I had a perfect view of possibly the biggest rainbow I've ever seen. Cheesy, I know. I'm not going to write a poem about magical rainbows and finding myself or something. It was just a really nice surprise because I was grouchy about waking up early to see the professor. I had a bagel and coffee breakfast with Andrea after the meeting. I haven't had a real breakfast in a bit. I usually sleep in and have brunch a little before noon. Blueberry bagels with strawberry cream cheese are superb.

Lilian wrote at 10:45 PM

Song I'm Listening to: "Geezers Need Excitement," The Streets

No fever! Woo-hoo! I still have a cough and a runny nose but I don't think that will affect my performance on the final. I feel a little apprehensive about the final because it will cover so much and I don't know what to study and how in-depth I have to study. I'm going home tomorrow for three glorious weeks of Christmas break. I can already see California. Mmmm...and our family New Year's party (it's my aunt's turning hosting it, doncha know). I am SO hijacking the karaoke machine when we get there. I had a major realization as I was walking in the student bookstore and the easy listening station was playing "Massachuesetts" by the Bee Gees. After having my uncles karaoke to the same friggin' Bee Gees compilation for the past 10 years (they haven't updated to a DVD karoke system, they still have the giant laserdisc system), I think I unwittingly know all the words to every Bee Gees song. "...but the lights all went out in San Francisco..." Yeah, what a useful skill, eh?

Lilian wrote at 11:39 AM

Monday, December 16, 2002

Song I'm Listening to: "Make Me Whole," Amel Larrieux

About a month ago, the flu was sweeping through a lot of the dorms. I escaped unscathed much to my relief even though everyone around me got it. Well, I woke up yesterday with a bit of a sore throat. No biggie I thought, but today I have an annoying cough and a runny nose. I'm REALLY hoping that the symptoms will stop here so I can concentrate well on finishing my last finals on Wednesday.

I'm excited about going home because we will be going to California for the holidays to see all my billion cousins, aunts, and uncles. Whoopee!

Still brainstorming a new year's resolution...

Lilian wrote at 11:55 AM

Friday, December 13, 2002

From Generation X:

Lilian wrote at 7:24 PM

Song I'm Listening to: "Fallen Souls," Ours

I think I found the most amazing room on campus. I had to go see my professor during his office hours. His office is located on the top floor of an 8-story building. This isn't terribly high but the campus is rather expansive and sprawling so most of the building are 4 stories high. The second I stepped off the elevator I was in this white waiting room, so white it was jarring. The windows took up most of the entire wall and the window frame was the lightest shade of silver. In a sense, the walls seemed like an afterthought. It had the best view of campus and my dorm was a tiny box in the far corner. There were very few people out so the campus looked very still. The only movement that could be detected was the furious flapping of the flag located on the quads. It was so calm up there, not like the labored uneasiness of the library where I feel foolish when my sneakers make squishing and squeaking noises. It felt so serene, as if time had stopped for minutes at a time.

The building was tall enough to see the roofs of the surrounding buildings. Nothing too special, just several garish satellite dishes. In that second, I got such a random memory. I remembered in 2nd grade that my elementary school had a book fair. I bought an illustrated book called Tar Beach about a girl whose family and some of their friends would go to the roof at night (when the tar roof was dried and cool). Her parents and their friends would play cards on a table. The girl and her brother would imagine themselves flying over the city. There's a part where she flies to the bridge and wears it like a "diamond necklace." For a moment it seemed like the perfect idea to get people together on a warm night and sneak onto the roof to play cards and talk. Just a random thought. I find it unsettling when you remember something long forgotten from your childhood from out of the blue. As for the waiting room, I wish I could go up there to do my homework every day on that petite table by the window.

Lilian wrote at 2:08 PM

Song I'm Listening to: "It Don't Mean a Thing," Ella Fitzgerald

Woke up from a bizarre dream involving my attendance of an ABBA concert. I won't even attempt any interpretations.

English final not too bad, I'll get an "A" in the class as long as I get at least a 68% or more on it.

Blogging at the heat of the moment is not a good idea. You just end up saying hurtful things. I was just so frustrated yesterday. I love my friends dearly but I'm tired of all the accusations that I'm "abandoning" them or that I don't have enough time for them if I decide to do something with someone else. It's ridiculous but I feel bad about the venom of yesterday's entry. I don't take back anything I said. I'm just sorry that things have to be like this, that's all.

Don't have any concrete plans this weekend but probably something boring like watching a movie.

Lilian wrote at 9:26 AM

Thursday, December 12, 2002

Song I'm Listening to: "While My Guitar Gently Weeps," The Beatles

Sometimes, I wish I was far, far away in some strange land where I didn't know anyone.

I want a re-do, a do-over, a fresh start.

Sometimes, I wish I had gone to a college where I didn't know anyone because my close friends from high school that go here see no need to move forward. "We have all the friends we need!" they say, "I can only see myself talking to our group of friends many years in the future." But it all feels so stagnant, we've become so different and not in a good way either.

I was planning on going with several people from my dorm to see "Lord of the Rings: Twin Towers" on opening day after the last of our finals. The "circle" (as I like to refer to them) tell me today that they want to go see the movie and they ask me if I wanna go see it with them. I told them that I was already seeing with other people. Instead of "Oh okay, have fun then!" they kept repeatedly asking "why?" I mean it's no reason to get upset, but it's the principle of the thing.

(a) It's none of their business, I don't need a fucking interrogation for such a small thing. It's not like I missed their 21st birthday to have lunch with a casual acquaintance.

(b) My social life doesn't revolve around them

(c) While going to college is no reason to dump all your old friends, it is stupid not to branch out. That's what college is all about. New experiences. I don't want to sound like a cheesy counselor urging people to "smile and make friends!" The "circle" is right when they say that as you get older, you only keep contact with a precious few. So out of all the new people that become acquaintances only a few will become meaningful friendships but if you at least make one very close friend, isn't it worth the effort to meet new people or try to develop new friendships? Quite frankly, their very limited attitudes are mind-boggling.

Sorry, had to vent. It's been bothering me all semester long.

Lilian wrote at 8:59 PM

Design by jade2001ad